So your dog hates your boyfriend… What do you do?

by Miguel Rodriguez

@citydogpack

So you meet a guy who’s good looking, taller than you when you wear heels, he’s has a great career, he’s smart, funny and you both have great chemistry going. Only problem is, your dog wants to bite down on his jugular when he comes over.

I know what many of you are thinking… get rid of the boyfriend! That’s ridiculous. You can be missing out on a great guy when it’s an issue that can be fixed and it’s hard to find a good man, especially these days. Plus your dog doesn’t know he may be missing out on a great dog dad.

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This actually comes up quite often and I get many requests for help from dog owners struggling with this. The advice I’m offering here can apply the other way around as well. Sometimes I work with men who have a dog who hates their new girlfriend.

Usually it’s not the new boyfriend or girlfriend that’s the problem, it’s the unhealthy anxious attachment dogs often have with their humans and sometimes the human shares that unhealthy anxious attachment towards their dog. When this is the case the dog doesn’t know how to handle someone new in their home and their life and they often respond with aggression.

If this situation sounds familiar to you or someone you know, read on!

If your dog hates your boyfriend and is displaying aggression, your dog likely has an unhealthy attachment with you and it’s probably because you over coddle your dog. If your dog becomes stressed whenever left alone or they seem uneasy and anxious unless you’re giving them attention or affection, you need to make changes to make your dog more independent. Spoiled  and over coddled dogs see their humans as their entire world and sharing their human’s attention and affection seems like the end of the world to them. Give your dog more alone time and push them away a little at home when they get too clingy. It’s ok to do that. They’ll learn how to self sooth, they’ll become more confident, less clingy and it won’t be a big deal for them when your boyfriend gets close to you.

If your dog is showing aggression towards your boyfriend it’s also likely your dog is entitled and has other behavior problems as well. If your dog has unlimited access to furniture in your home, there are toys scattered throughout your apartment for your dog to have access whenever they want and they don’t have any rules or boundaries, your dog feels like your home belongs to them. Limit access to furniture and buy your dog a nice dog bed. Don’t allow your dog unlimited access to your personal space or the personal space of others. Put away toys unless you’re actively playing with your dog or you can leave out a toy or two to keep them busy when left alone. Never reward bad behavior and never let it go unchecked. Doing this will make your dog feel as though you are in charge of your domain and not the other way around. It’ll also make your dog less entitled to bullying your boyfriend around when he comes over.

Get your boyfriend involved in the care taking process. Some guys aren’t into dogs and they THINK they can date a woman who sees her dog as her baby without having to get involved in the day to day responsibilities. This may work out for both parties at first but not after about a year of dating. When the girlfriend comes home after a hard days work and she sees her boyfriend watching tv ok the couch, the dog hasn’t been out for 6 hours and she has to walk the dog, she’s not going to tolerate that. Besides unless the boyfriend gets involved in feeding, grooming, training, playing and especially walks, the dog is going to have a hard time bonding with the boyfriend. So ask your boyfriend to get involved and show appreciation when he does. Dog ownership can be hard when you work full time and have other responsibilities to take care of and it’s nice having a partner who can help ease the burden.

If you give your boyfriend responsibilities, he must have authority too. In my experience working with dog owners which is quite vast, women usually (but not always) are outstanding at nurturing and caretaking but they generally suck at providing discipline and structure for their dog. On the other hand men are usually (but not always) great at disciplining their dogs and providing structure but the level of care they provide pales in comparison to women. This is where you have to have some self awareness and know your strengths an weaknesses. Many dog moms view discipline as cruel and mean but dogs need it and want it. Men are also pretty good at allowing dogs to learn to problem solve while women often remove a dog from a situation at the first sign of stress. Of course there are boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed and dogs deserve to be treated with dignity and respect but if your boyfriend shows he cares about your dog he’s willing to be involved in the caretaking process allow him to provide discipline. The polarity of your nurturing and your boyfriend’s structure will be huge for your dog’s well being and it’ll improve the relationship between your dog and your boyfriend.

In conclusion, it’s always better to be proactive and work on improving your dog’s behavior and bad habits before you bring someone new around. It’ll make the process run much more easier. I’ve talked to friends, family and customers who are stubborn and say I shouldn’t have to change my dog for a man but the truth is a man shouldn’t have to tolerate a dog trying to bite him. There is nothing wrong with making positive changes to accommodate someone new who may be a great partner to you and a great dog dad for your dog

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